Migrate cachet to Equatower

Summary:
This is the first attempt to use Zemke-Rhyne in a Salt configuration.
This should be migrated to a more convenient secret store like Vault.

Test Plan: Browse https://status.nasqueron.org

Reviewers: dereckson

Reviewed By: dereckson

Differential Revision: http://devcentral.nasqueron.org/D1677